Questions from a Christian Son to His Muslim Father: Question #2

Written below is the response that my son, Bashiruddin Mahmud, gave concerning my answer to his question #1.

Bashiruddin replied, “Thank you. That was an excellent, well thought out, well articulated, and enlightening response to my question. I specifically appreciated the clarification on Jihad (and the different types) in relation on the misconception on what it means in western society which is "Holy War". I can definitely sympathize with the view of many Middle Eastern Muslims on the United States. I do not believe that I see eye to eye on the issue of Israel however. I appreciate the historical context you provided for each interpretation. I have to say I don't remember much about Islam from my childhood but I do remember that peace seemed to resonate in every Islamic community I was exposed to. I don't remember any hostility or intolerance for any individual persons, religion, etc”.

Within your answer to [my] question #1 you quoted this verse: "Say, `We believe in ALLAH and that which has been revealed to us, and that which was revealed to Abraham and Ishmael and Isaac and Jacob and the Tribes, and in that which was given to Moses and Jesus and other Prophets from their Lord. We make no distinction between any of them and to HIM we submit.’" (Qur’an 3:85)

Question: This verse seems to say that the God of the Bible and Allah are one and the same. Would you agree with that statement?

Answer: I could and do agree that the god of Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Jesus and all other Prophets (peace be on them) are the same. The God Who has manifested Himself to all the Prophets, and appeared to Moses on Mount Sinai and appeared to Jesus on Mount Seir and appeared to the Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace be on all of them), on Mount Paran, is the same Mighty and Holy God.

“Allah” is the proper name for the one God and has been around in pre-Islamic times. One cannot say that the god for Muslims is different from the God for the Jews or the Christians. Muslims do not hold the belief that the God, who sent down messengers before the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw), was any different than the God who sent the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) and the Qur’an. The Holy Qur’an states, “And say, ‘We believe in that which has been revealed to us and that which has been revealed to you; and our God and your God is one; and to Him we submit.’” (29:47)

The above verse clearly states that we all worship the same God. Even in Arab countries today, ‘Allah’ is used by the Christians and Jews to refer to God. Even in the Bible, God is translated as "Allah".

I hope this answer will satisfy your 2nd question.

Questions From A Christian Son to His Muslim Father: Question #1

My son, Bashiruddin Mahmud, became a Christian devotee some years ago. Although we fell out of contact for a number of years I would always remember him in my prayers. A couple of months ago, out of the clear blue sky, I received a Facebook message from him. He found me via the internet and we have since started communicating with each other for the first time after twelve years.  

A few days ago my son indicated that he had questions about Islam and asked if I would be willing to answer them. I said, "Yes...if I'm able." His first question and my answer is written below. I will share his other questions, with my answers, as he presents them. The idea here is to share with the readership of this blog the conversation between a Muslim father to his Christian son, who converted to Christianity after leaving the nest.

Question: Can you explain (elaborate) the differences between Radical Islam, Mainstream Islam, and the Ahmadiyya interpretation of Islam? If you would please touch on the major differences and also any similarities you think are relevant to sufficiently answer the question.

Answer: Islam is the term used in the Holy Qur’an to describe a religion and way of life.

Islam, is the name given by Allah to this religion (“…This day have I perfected your religion for you and completed My favor upon you and have chosen for you Islam as religion.”  Qur’an 5:4), is an Arabic word which literally means obedience and peace. ISLAM is derived from the Arabic root "SALEMA": peace, purity, submission and obedience. So 'Islam' would mean the path of those who are obedient to Allah and who establish peace with Him and His creatures. Its followers are called Muslims.

Islam is not a new religion. It is, in essence, the same message and guidance which Allah revealed to all prophets before Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. Allah says in the Qur’ân:

"Say, `We believe in ALLAH and that which has been revealed to us, and that which was revealed to Abraham and Ishmael and Isaac and Jacob and the tribes, and in that which was given to Moses and Jesus and other Prophets from their Lord. We make no distinction between any of them and to HIM we submit." (Qur’an 3-85)

Given the above, the terms “Radical Islam” or “Mainstream Islam” are not used in the Holy Qur’an and therefore are not legitimate terms to describe the religion. The best that can be said about the terms “Radical Islam” or “Mainstream Islam” is that it is an effort to contextualize Islam so that it may be understood by the Occident. It is the Occident who coined the terms “Radical Islam” and “Mainstream Islam”.

Radical Islam: This term is understood to mean Islam’s war against the West. It presents dreadful and graphic depictions showing radical Muslims all over the world preaching hatred and exciting violence and Jihad against the West and the United States of America. It is propaganda prepared to scare the Christians and to get sympathy for Jews and Israel. Many Christian clergymen criticized this approach and say that it carries the wrong motives.

Before going further, we should be honest in self-criticism, and try truthfully to identify the causes of the war waged by radical Muslims against the West, particularly the United States of America. We should acknowledge the fact that for millions of Muslims all over the world, the image of America is troublesome: To them it seems as if the USA is determined to invade, occupy or dominate the oil-rich Muslim countries for economical gains. America calls for freedom and democracy, but at the same time it has supported world’s worst authoritarian dictators and oppressive governments in the past, such as the Shah of Iran and Pakistani army dictator General Zia-ul-Haq. The Muslim public feels that the U.S.A.’s attitude towards Israel is different as compared with the Muslim countries. Israel’s illegal occupation of Palestinian land, establishing illegal settlements, and use of force is not condemned by America. But any Palestinian resistance to Israeli illegal occupation is denounced as “terrorism” and is responded by Israel with overwhelming armed attacks. This causes further radicalization of resistance factions in Palestine and elsewhere in the Muslim world.

America is known as providing financial help in support of the military strength of Israel to maintain its illegal occupation of Palestinian lands. The radical Muslims resent the fact that Israel is getting $3 to $6 billion of American taxpayers’ money every year. It equals to 15 million dollars each day. This financial aid is perceived as being used against the Muslims. They see the atrocities committed against their children; women and civilians conducted by means of the American money are convinced that the state of Israel also possesses weapons of mass destruction.

In addition, we should also understand that America’s close connection with the oil-rich Saudi Arabia is seen with suspicion by the Muslim radicals. The holy cities of Mecca and Medina are located in Saudi Arabia. The US armed forces’ presence in Saudi Arabia to protect the Saudi monarchy and its oil fields provides fuel to the fire to the radical Muslim agitators. The fact which is not well known to most of the Americans is that the Saudis profess a radical form of Islām known as Wahhābism, and the Saudi Kingdom most generously funds the theological schools known as madrasas all over the world. We should know that these madrasas are the breeding incubators of radicalism in Islām. In these madrasas, orphan and poor boys are admitted and trained to become Mujāhidīn. They are trained to make explosives and other weapons, and how to use them. Also, the students are brainwashed to become suicidal bombers. The Wahhābī Saudis also provide training to the imāms (religious leaders) from all over the world—including the United States. These imāms, trained in Saudi Arabia, come to the Western countries and lead Muslim congregations teaching and preaching radicalism to the young Muslims attending their mosques.

Mainstream Islam: The mainstream is by definition that branch of an organization which is most vocal and controls the policies of the organization. Thus we refer to the mainstream media as the most visible outlet of journalism, with the most access to the policy makers. The non-violent branch of Islam may be the numerical majority.

The aforementioned is defined by the Occident. Muslims may find themselves giving-in to these definitions, but from a Qur’anic perspective it isn’t a legitimate term. The term “Mainstream Islam” becomes convenient when trying to contextualize Islam within a social, political or economic arena.

The difference between “Radical Islam” and “Mainstream Islam” may be expressed in numbers. Islam is a pretty big thing. It has about a billion and a half adherents, about five times the population of the United States. The question may be asked ... how many people practice Mainstream Islam? And how many of the people practice Radical Islam? The radical/total people ratio is so small that it is unbelievably prejudiced to think that the entire religion is or endorses Radical Islam. That's like seeing a couple people in American with 9 fingers and thinking everyone in the country does. I know, repeat KNOW most Muslims are compassionate humane people. The violent people make up about .1 % of the Muslim population. Anyone who says otherwise are ignorant.

Ahmadiyya Interpretation of Islam: Ahmadi Muslims believes in the Messiah and the Ahmadiyya interpretation may be best viewed by subject.

Sanctity of Life: The Holy Qur’ān teaches sanctity of human life and reaffirms the Biblical teachings that whosoever unjustly kills a single person, it shall be as if he slaughtered all mankind; and whosoever saves the life of one, it shall be as if he had protected the life of all mankind (5:33). “You kill not the life which God has made sacred” (6:152). Killing of the innocent and committing suicide both are grievous sins in Islam. The Quran forbids suicide (4:30), and it is an unforgivable sin in Islam.

The Qur’ān gives comprehensive instructions against all evil thoughts and plans, all kinds of abusive behavior and every form of cruelty and inequity. The Qur’ān gives injunctions to protect the person, property, honor or good name of another person. The Qur’ān declares it in unambiguous words, God does not love those who create disorder on earth (5:65) and (28:77); He does not love who are unjust (3:57); and does not love those who exceed the limits (2:191) and (5:88).

What is the true meaning of Jihād? Jihād does not mean “Holy War.” It means striving, contention and taking action dedicated to a noble cause: In Arabic language, Jihād is a verbal noun derived from the root jahada, which is defined as exerting one’s utmost power, effort, endeavor, or ability in contending with an object of disapprobation (An Arabic-English Lexicon, Edward Lane).

As a matter of fact, Jihād in Islām is of different kinds. Various terms have been used to make distinction between them, such as: Jihād of the heart, Jihād of the tongue, and Jihād with the pen. The greatest Jihād in Islām is remaining firm in faith, and to overcome sinful temptations of one’s own self.

Jihād in the Bible: For Christians it would be easy to understand the concept of Jihād by some examples taken from the Bible: In Luke 13:22-24, the Bible says about Jesus Christ, “And he went through the cities and villages, teaching, and journeying towards Jerusalem. Then said one unto him, ‘Lord, are there few to be saved?’ And he said unto them: Strive to enter in that narrow gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able.” This striving and making an utmost effort to enter the narrow gate–(that the Holy Qur’ān calls it the straight path) is the highest form of Jihād in Islām.

From Islāmic perspective, St. Paul was asking the Philippians to engage in a Jihād when he wrote to them,'"That ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind, striving together for the faith of the gospel." (Philippians 1: 27)

In Islām, striving by means of the Qur’ān is called the Great Striving—Jihādan Kabīran (25:53). 

Again, in the First Epistle to Timothy, St. Paul wrote,"This charge I commit onto you … fight a good fight; holding faith, and a good conscience." (Timothy, 1:18) 

In the same Epistle, St. Paul wrote,"But they that will be rich fall into temptation and snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But you, O man of God, flee from these things and follow after righteousness, goodness, faith, love, patience, meekness. Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto you are also called, and have professed a good profession before many witnesses." (Timothy, 6:9-12)

This fighting the good fight, holding faith and good conscience, laying hold of eternal life is what we call the real Jihād in Islām. It is entering through the narrow gate. It is staying on the straight path.

The next form of Jihād is the struggle to improve the quality of social life by removing societal evils and establishing good moral values. This is Jihād against poverty, ignorance, disease, hunger, immorality and crime. Social and moral reformation under the guidance of the Qur’ān is called the “Jihādan Kabīran”—a “mighty striving”—the Great Jihād (25:53). 

The last form of Jihād is to repel an armed aggression in self-defense for maintaining religious freedom. As compared to other forms of Jihād, fighting against an armed and aggressive enemy is called in Islām Jihādan Saghīran—the lesser Jihād. 

The Qur’ān says,"Permission to fight is given to those against whom war is made because they have been wronged—and Allāh indeed has power to help them—Those who have been driven out of their homes unjustly only because they said, ‘Our Lord is Allāh’—And if Allāh did not repel some men by means of others, there would surely have been pulled down cloisters and churches and synagogues and mosques wherein the name of Allāh is oft commemorated. And Allāh will surely help one who helps Him. Allāh is indeed Powerful, Mighty" (22:40-41)

This concept of Jihād is closer to the Christian doctrine of “just war.” But it is not called a “holy war” in Islām. Modern Occidental thought, strongly influenced by Crusades-era terminology of “holy war,” tries to portray Jihād as an Islāmic war against all the non-Muslims. But most clearly, the permission to fight back is not to destroy the churches, temples or synagogues. On the contrary, the Qur’ān makes clear that it is to protect them along with protecting the mosques. In other words, it is to protect religious freedom for all those who worship God in accordance with their own faith traditions.

The great spiritual Jihād of standing firm in faith against satanic temptations and social evils is of permanent nature—an ongoing obligation for all the Muslims. But the lesser Jihād, fighting in self-defense is only occasional and isolated, and is to be conducted only in a crisis situation. Only a legitimate head of state has the authority to declare war. Any preacher or so-self-made leader, or scholar has no right to pronounce an armed struggle against an aggressor. Moreover, the strict rules governing the conduct of warfare are to be obeyed; for example, non-combatants cannot be killed. Women, children, elderly and the clergy or monks cannot be targeted. Property cannot be destroyed. Disfiguring of dead bodies is prohibited. Prisoners of war are to be treated humanely. 

The Ahmadiyya Muslim Community believes that the doctrine of Jihād has been entirely perverted by the so-called “fundamentalists” or "radical Muslims" and needs to be rescued, and the offenders stopped by all possible means.

Ahmadiyya Muslim Community is the only Islamic organization to believe that the long-awaited Messiah has come in the person of Mirza Ghulam Ahmad (1835-1908) of Qadian. Ahmad(as) claimed to be the metaphorical second coming of Jesus(as) of Nazareth and the divine guide, whose advent was foretold by the Prophet of Islam, Muhammad (as). Ahmadiyya Muslim Community believes that God sent Ahmad (as), like Jesus(as), to end religious wars, condemn bloodshed and re-institute morality, justice and peace. Ahmad’s(as) advent has brought about an unprecedented era of Islamic revival. He divested Islam of fanatical beliefs and practices by vigorously championing Islam’s true and essential teachings. He also recognized the noble teachings of the great religious founders and saints, including Zoroaster(as), Abraham(as), Moses(as), Jesus(as), Krishna(as), Buddha(as), Confucius(as), Lao Tzu and Guru Nanak, and explained how such teachings converged into the one true Islam.

Did I answer your question?

Good Family Relations: The Islamic Way by Alhaj Dhul-Waqar Yaqub

IN THE NAME OF ALLAH, THE GRACIOUS, THE MERCIFUL

ALLAH EXHORTS US IN HIS HOLY WORD TO "KEEP UP THE SUPPLICATION: LORD, BESTOW ON ME AN INCREASE OF KNOWLEDGE." PERHAPS THIS IS BECAUSE WE LOVE IN PROPORTION TO THE HEAVENLY KNOWLEDGE, WHICH WE RECEIVED. FOR LOVE KEEPS PACE WITH KNOWLEDGE; AND AS THE ONE INCREASES SO DOES THE OTHER. WHEN HEAVENLY KNOWLEDGE IS PERFECTED, LOVE WILL BE PERFECTED ALSO. AND THAT KNOWLEDGE, THAT LOVE, WILL BE MANIFESTED IN HEALTHY, HIGHLY FUNCTIONING FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS. APPLIED KNOWLEDGE AND LOVE PRODUCES MODEL FAMILIES.

THIS PAPER: "GOOD FAMILY RELATIONS: THE ISLAMIC WAY," IS A SUBJECT THAT TOUCHES THE VERY CORE OF OUR DEEPEST CHALLENGES AND CONCERNS.

TO REVIEW OUR KNOWLEDGE OF GOOD FAMILY RELATIONS, LET US EXAMINE THEM FROM THE VIEWPOINT OF UNDERSTANDING THE FAMILY STRUCTURE IN ISLAM. IT WOULD SEEM REASONABLE TO ASSUME THAT IF WE COMPREHEND THE MUSLIM FAMILY AS BOTH A RELIGIOUS AND A SOCIAL-BEHAVIORAL SYSTEM, IT WILL BE POSSIBLE TO MAINTAIN GOOD FAMILY RELATIONS.

FAMILY'S OBLIGATIONS TO SOCIETY

FAMILY RIGHTS AND OBLIGATIONS ARE NOT PRIVATE FAMILY AFFAIRS OF NO CONCERN TO THE REST OF SOCIETY. DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS ARE ASSIGNED TO THE FAMILY MEMBERS WHO ARE ENJOINED TO ADMINISTER THEM PRIVATELY. BUT, IF THE SITUATION BECOMES UNMANAGEABLE, RELIGION COMMANDS SOCIETY, REPRESENTED BY DESIGNATED AUTHORITIES AS WELL AS CONSCIENTIOUS INDIVIDUALS, TO TAKE WHATEVER ACTION IS NECESSARY TO IMPLEMENT ITS SOCIAL LAW, IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN EQUITY AND HARMONY. THIS IS A NATURAL RESULT OF THE FACT THAT THE MUTUAL EXPECTATIONS OF THE FAMILY MEMBERS ARE NOT ESTABLISHED ONLY BY FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIP, BUT ALSO BY THE MEMBERSHIP IN A LARGER SOCIAL SYSTEM WHICH DERIVES FROM A COMMON RELIGIOUS BROTHERHOOD. THIS BROTHERHOOD HAS ITS OWN IMPLICATIONS. IT IS CONCEIVED TO REINFORCE FAMILY TIES, COMPLEMENT THEM, OR PREVENT THEIR ABUSE.

THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE

THE FAMILY IS THE BASIC UNIT OF HUMAN SOCIETY. THE FOUNDATION OF A FAMILY IS LAID THROUGH MARRIAGE. THE STRONG EMPHASIS THAT ISLAM HAS PUT ON MARRIAGE MAY BE SEEN CLEARLY IN THE CONTEXT OF THE PURPOSE THAT MARRIAGE IS DESIGNATED TO SERVE.

MARRIAGE IS REGARDED FIRST AND FOREMOST AS AN ACT OF PIETY. ALLAH SAYS, "HE IT IS WHO CREATED YOU FROM A SINGLE SOUL, AND MADE THEREFROM ITS MATE, THAT HE MIGHT FIND COMFORT IN HER.” (AL-A'RAF VERSE 190) "OF HIS SIGNS IT IS THAT HE CREATED YOU FROM DUST, AND LO! YOU ARE HUMAN BEINGS SPREAD OVER THE EARTH. OF HIS SIGNS IT IS THAT HE HAS CREATED MATES FOR YOU OF YOUR OWN KIND THAT YOU MAY FIND PEACE OF MIND THROUGH THEM, AND HE HAS PUT LOVE AND TENDERNESS BETWEEN YOU. IN THAT SURELY ARE SIGNS FOR A PEOPLE WHO REFLECT." (AL-RUM VERSE 21)

THE LEAST FOCAL ASPECT OF ISLAMIC MARRIAGE IS THE ECONOMIC FACTOR. ALLAH SAYS, "ARRANGE THE MARRIAGES OF THE WIDOWS FROM AMONG YOU, AND OF THE RIGHTEOUS FROM AMONG THOSE UNDER YOUR CONTROL, MALE AND FEMALE. IF THEY BE POOR, ALLAH WILL GRANT THEM MEANS OUT OF HIS BOUNTY. ALLAH IS VASTLY BOUNTIFUL, ALL-KNOWING." (AL-NUR VERSE 33) THE HOLY PROPHET (SAW) IS REPORTED TO HAVE SAID, "IN MARRYING A WOMAN, A MAN'S CHOICE OF A SPOUSE IS DETERMINED BY THE CONSIDERATION OF HER WEALTH, HER FAMILY, HER PHYSICAL BEAUTY AND HER RELIGIOUS PIETY, BUT THOU SHOULDST MAKE THY LIFE HAPPY, PROSPEROUS AND SUCCESSFUL, BY CHOOSING A SPOUSE, ON ACCOUNT OF HER RELIGIOUS PIETY, AS THIS IS THE SOURCE FOR LASTING CONTENTMENT." (BUKHARI)

OUR LATE, BELOVED KHALIFATUL MASIH II, MIRZA BASHIRUDDIN MAHMUD AHMAD HAS EMPHASIZED: "MARRIAGE IS A VERY DELICATE AND IMPORTANT MATTER. AS A MATTER OF FACT, VERY FEW OTHER MATTERS ARE AS IMPORTANT. WHAT IS MARRIAGE? IT IS SIMPLY A MEANS TO CARRY OUT THE DIVINE PLAN. ALLAH WISHES THAT MAN MUST PROCREATE, PROPAGATE AND SPREAD, AND THUS MAINTAIN HIMSELF AS THE MOST WONDERFUL AND SUBLIMEST OF THE DIVINE CREATION.

"THE WORD MARRIAGE MAY SOUND LIKE AN ORDINARY THING, BUT IT IS REALLY A CONSECRATION OF A GREAT DIVINE PLAN. AS SUCH IT IS OF SO GREAT AN IMPORTANCE THAT I WOULD PUT IT NEXT ONLY TO OUR RELATION WITH ALLAH, AND IT IS OUR REQUIRED DUTY TO SEE THAT IT IS DULY RESPECTED AND ADHERED TO FAITHFULLY."

MARRIAGE CONTRACT

SOME OBSERVERS HAVE BEEN LED TO STRESS THE CONTRACTUAL NATURE OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM. THEY MAINTAIN THAT MARRIAGE AS A CONTRACT MUST STATE CONDITIONS AND TERMS THAT FALL WITHIN LEGAL BOUNDS, CAPABLE OF BEING ALTERED. SOMETIMES THE STRESS ON THE SOCIO-LEGAL AND CONTRACTUAL ELEMENTS OF MARRIAGE TENDS TO OBSCURE THE RELIGIOUS ASPECT: "MARRIAGE IS A CONTRACT, BUT MARRIAGE IS ALSO A COVENANT." ALLAH SAYS, "...THEY (WOMEN) HAVE TAKEN FROM YOU A STRONG COVENANT." (AL-NISA VERSE 22) IT IS NOT ACCURATE TO DESIGNATE MARRIAGE IN ISLAM AS A SECULAR CONTRACT. ALTHOUGH IT HAS THOSE ELEMENTS. THE APPROPRIATE DESIGNATION IS THAT IT IS OF A "DIVINE INSTITUTION."

CONDITIONS OF MARRIAGE

SO, THE QURAN DESCRIBES MARRIAGE AS A "COVENANT" BETWEEN ALLAH AND THE HUMAN PARTIES AS WELL AS BETWEEN THESE PARTIES THEMSELVES. IF THE MARRIAGE IS TO BE CONSUMMATED AND BECOME VALID, CERTAIN CONDITIONS MUST BE SATISFIED. SOME OF THESE CONDITIONS ARE: (1) AS THERE IS NO COURTSHIP IN ISLAM A MUSLIM MALE GUARDIAN IS REQUIRED TO ACT ON BEHALF OF THE FEMALE IN A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL. THE GUARDIAN IS TO BE OF SOUND MIND, FULL AGE AND GOOD CHARACTER. HE SAFEGUARDS THE FEMALE'S MORAL INTEGRITY AND TAKES ALL PRECAUTIONS TO MAXIMIZE THE PROBABILITY OF A GOOD MARRIAGE. (2) THERE MUST BE A DIRECT, UNEQUIVOCAL PROPOSAL FOLLOWED BY A CORRESPONDING ACCEPTANCE THEREOF; (3) THE WORDS USED IN THE CONTRACT MUST BE DIRECTLY DERIVED FROM, OR INTIMATELY RELATED TO, THE ROOT WORD OF MARRIAGE; (4) THERE MUST BE AT LEAST TWO COMPETENT WITNESSES SO THAT THE PROGENY'S RIGHT OF LEGITIMACY WILL BE SAFEGUARDED; (5) THE CONTRACT REQUIRES THE CONTRIBUTION OF A "DOWRY," OR MARRIAGE GIFT, BY THE GROOM TO THE BRIDE; (6) THE MARRIAGE MUST BE WIDELY PUBLICIZED; (7) THE WOMEN MUST BE FREE FROM ALL MARITAL BONDS, FREE OF PREGNANCY, OUT SIDE THE "WAITING PERIOD" IF SHE IS DIVORCED OR WIDOWED, AND SHE MUST NOT FALL WITHIN THE FORBIDDEN DEGREES OF BLOOD RELATIONS; (8) SHE MUST BE A MONOTHEIST OR FROM AMONG THE "PEOPLE OF THE BOOK;" (9) HE OR SHE MUST BE FREE FROM ADULTERY AND FORNICATION; (10) THE CONTRACTING MAN MUST BE A MUSLIM.

IT WOULD NOT BE OUT OF PLACE HERE TO ELABORATE ON DOWRY. DOWRY IS USED TO DESIGNATE THE GIFT A MUSLIM GROOM GIVES TO HIS BRIDE. IT IS A SYMBOL OF TRUTHFULNESS AND SINCERITY ON THE PART OF THE HUSBAND. THE DOWRY BECOMES HER PERSONAL PROPERTY WHICH SHE IS EMPOWERED TO WAIVE, REDUCE, RETURN TO HER HUSBAND, OR DISPENSE WITH AS SHE PLEASES. IT MAY CONSIST OF MONEY, PROPERTY, MOVABLE OBJECTS, OR SERVICES RENDERED TO THE BRIDE HERSELF. THERE IS A TRADITION THAT A COMPANION OF THE PROPHET WANTED TO MARRY A CERTAIN WOMAN BUT HAD NOTHING TO OFFER HER IN DOWRY. THE PROPHET ASKED HIM TO TEACH HER WHATEVER HE KNEW OF THE QURAN, AND THAT SUFFICED AS A DOWRY.

THE LIMITS OF DOWRY SHOULD BE ESTIMATED ACCORDING TO CIRCUMSTANCES WITH EMPHASIS ON MODERATION. THE HOLY PROPHET IS REPORTED TO HAVE SAID THAT THE MOST BLESSED MARRIAGE IS THAT WHICH IS LEAST COSTLY AND MOST EASY. HAZRAT KHALIFATUL MASIH IV HAS SET AN AMOUNT OF 6 MONTHS TO ONE YEARS WAGES.

MATE SELECTION

THE IDEA THAT LOVE IS BLIND AND LOVE IS THE DECISIVE FACTOR IN MATE SELECTION IS NOT THE NORM OF ANY SOCIETY. THE BELIEF THAT "LOVE AND MARRIAGE GO TOGETHER LIKE A HORSE AND CARRIAGE" HAS BEEN DRUMMED INTO THE HEADS OF WESTERN YOUNG PEOPLE SO INSISTENTLY THAT THEY CONSIDER "BEING-IN-LOVE" BEFORE MARRIAGE ENTIRELY NATURAL. PERHAPS THE PRESSURE ON THE MARRIAGE CREATED BY EMPHASIS ON UNREALISTIC ROMANTIC LOVE MAY CONTRIBUTE TO THE HIGH DIVORCE RATE IN WESTERN SOCIETIES. THE FACT IS, RULES AND CONSIDERATIONS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT INCLUDE THE PRIORITY OF LOVE HAVE HISTORICALLY GOVERNED MATE SELECTION IN MANY SOCIETIES.

THESE DAYS THE AMERICAN MIDDLE CLASS TREND IN MATE SELECTION IS TOWARD WHAT IS CALLED "SOCIAL EQUALITY IN MARRIAGE." THIS CONCEPT IS BASED ON TWO THEORIES: (1) PEOPLE TEND TO MARRY PEOPLE WHO ARE SOCIALLY AND ECONOMICALLY LIKE THEMSELVES; (2) EVERY INDIVIDUAL SEEKS WITHIN THEIR FIELD OF ELIGIBLES THAT PERSON WHO GIVES THE GREATEST PROMISE OF PROVIDING MAXIMUM NEED GRATIFICATION.

WESTERN ADVOCATES SUGGEST THAT THE WELFARE OF THE FAMILY REQUIRE MEASURES OF SOCIAL EQUALITY TO MAXIMIZE THE PROBABILITY OF MARITAL SUCCESS. THEY SAY WHEN TWO PARTIES ARE NOT SOCIALLY EQUAL, IT IS THE MAN WHO MUST "MEASURE UP" TO THE WOMAN. A WOMAN MAY MARRY ABOVE BUT NOT BELOW HER SOCIAL LEVEL, WHEREAS A MAN MAY MARRY BELOW BUT NOT ABOVE HIS. THIS MEANS THAT THE LEADERSHIP ROLE, IS THE MANS, AS HE IS THE PROVIDER OF THE FAMILY AND THE BEARER OF ITS SOCIAL AND ECONOMIC STATUS. IF HIS LEADERSHIP IS TO BE REAL AND LASTING, HE MUST BE CERTAIN OF HIS STATUS. THIS IS MOST LIKELY TO BE OBTAINED WHEN HE MARRIES HIS EQUAL OR DOWN. BUT IF HE MARRIES UP, HIS POSITION MAY BE SUBJECT TO UNCERTAINTY. PERSONALITIES MAY CONFLICT; ROLES MAY BECOME DIFFUSED AND BLURRED AND FAMILY STABILITY ENDANGERED. TO MINIMIZE THIS RISK, IT IS DEEMED ADVISABLE FOR A MAN TO MARRY HIS SOCIAL AND ECONOMIC EQUAL. THE CASE OF WOMEN IS NOT THE SAME. IT IS PREFERRED THAT THE WOMAN MARRIES HER EQUAL OR UP, NOT DOWN.

THIS WESTERN CONCEPT OF "SOCIAL EQUALITY IN MARRIAGE" HAS NO SUPPORT FROM THE HOLY QURAN. ALLAH SAYS, " VERILY, THE MOST HONORABLE AMONG YOU, IN THE SIGHT OF ALLAH, IS HE WHO IS THE MOST RIGHTEOUS AMONG YOU. SURELY, ALLAH IS ALL-KNOWING. ALL-AWARE." (AL-HUJURAT VERSE 14)

ISLAM ASSERTS "RELIGIOUS EQUALITY IN MARRIAGE." ACCORDINGLY, EVERY INDIVIDUAL IS RANKED FIRST ON THE BASIS OF RELIGIOUS VIRTUES. THESE VIRTUES MAY OR MAY NOT AGREE WITH TRADITIONAL WESTERN VALUES. ALL MUSLIMS ARE TO BE REGARDED AS EQUALS IN THE SIGHT OF ALLAH AND BROTHERS OF ONE ANOTHER (AL-HUJURAT VERSE 11); THE ONLY RECOGNIZABLE CRITERION OF DISTINCTION IS THAT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS OR TAQWA.

THIS CRITERIA OF RIGHTEOUSNESS INCLUDES BELIEF IN ALLAH; THE LAST DAY OF JUDGMENT (WHICH DEPENDS THE DIRECTS MAN’S ACTIONS IN THIS LIFE); BELIEF IN ANGELS; DIVINE SCRIPTURES; AND THE PROPHETS. RIGHTEOUS ACTIONS ARE RECOGNIZED BY SPENDING FOR THE LOVE OF ALLAH; PRAYER AND PAYMENT OF ZAKAT; KEEPING ONE'S PROMISE; AND DISPLAYING FORTITUDE, PATIENCE AND STEADFASTNESS IN TIME OF DISTRESS.

DOMESTIC FAMILY RELATIONS

SO FAR, THE DISCUSSION HAS BEEN CONCERNED WITH THE FORMATION OF THE FAMILY. LET US NOW TURN TO DOMESTIC FAMILY RELATIONS.

TO BEGIN WITH, THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A HUSBAND AND WIFE IS TOO INTIMATE AND VARIED TO LEND ITSELF EASILY AND ENTIRELY TOO FORMAL RULES AND REGULATIONS, HOWEVER COMPREHENSIVE. IT DEFIES THE SUBTLEST FORMALITIES OF RULES OF LAW SINCE IT OPERATES ON LEVELS THAT ARE NOT ALWAYS ACCESSIBLE TO DETECTION. THEREFORE, IT IS SIMPLER TO FOCUS ON THE MORAL PRINCIPLES OF THE HUSBAND-WIFE RELATIONSHIP SO THAT WE DO NOT LOSE SIGHT OF THE FACT THAT ALLAH IS THE INTEGRAL ELEMENT OF ANY ACTION SITUATION.

ALLAH SAYS, "AND ONE OF HIS SIGNS IS THAT HE HAS CREATED WIVES FOR YOU FROM AMONG YOURSELVES THAT YOU MAY FIND PEACE OF MIND IN THEM, AND HE HAS PUT LOVE AND TENDERNESS BETWEEN YOU. IN THAT SURELY ARE SIGNS FOR A PEOPLE WHO REFLECT." (AL-RUM VERSE 22) HERE, ALLAH DEFINES THE PRINCIPLES OF THE HUSBAND-WIFE RELATIONSHIP AS BEING ONE OF A CONSCIENTIOUS COMMITMENT BY BOTH PARTIES THAT THE MARITAL UNION BE AN ABODE OF PEACE OF MIND, LOVE AND TENDERNESS.

THE WIFE'S RIGHT; THE HUSBAND'S OBLIGATIONS

THE HUSBAND'S OBLIGATIONS IN MEETING THE CHALLENGE OF MARRIAGE BECOMES CLEAR WHEN ALLAH SAYS, "...AND CONSORT WITH THEM IN KINDNESS...(AL-NISA VERSE 20) AND "MEN ARE APPOINTED GUARDIANS OVER WOMEN, BECAUSE OF THAT IN RESPECT OF WHICH ALLAH HAS MADE SOME OF THEM EXCEL OTHERS, AND BECAUSE MEN SPEND OF THEIR WEALTH..." (AL-NISA VERSE 35)

TRANSLATED INTO BEHAVIORAL TERMS, THESE MORAL PRINCIPLES ALLOCATE TO THE WIFE CERTAIN RIGHTS, WHICH ARE THE HUSBAND'S DUTY TO ALLAH TO FULFILL. THE WIFE IS TO BE CONSORTED WITH IN AN EQUITABLE AND KIND MANNER AND THAT THE HUSBAND IS TO BEAR THE FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER MAINTENANCE.

THE WIFE'S MAINTENANCE ENTAILS HER INCONTESTABLE RIGHT TO LODGING, CLOTHING, FOOD, AND GENERAL CARE. HER LODGING MUST BE ADEQUATE SO AS TO ENSURE HER PRIVACY, COMFORT, AND INDEPENDENCE. THIS IS INTERPRETED TO MEAN THAT THE LODGING QUARTERS MUST BEFIT HIS MEANS AND HER STYLE OF LIFE. THIS RIGHT IS TO BE EXERCISED WITHOUT EXTRAVAGANCE OR MISERLINESS. THE HUSBAND'S RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE WIFE'S SHELTER DOES NOT ENTITLE HIM TO IMPOSE UPON HER ANY DISAGREEABLE ARRANGEMENT OF RESIDENCE. ALLAH SAYS, "LODGE THEM... IN THE HOUSES WHEREIN YOU DWELL, ACCORDING TO YOUR MEANS; AND HARASS THEM NOT THAT YOU MAY CREATE HARDSHIP FOR THEM...LET ONE WHO IS IN EASY CIRCUMSTANCES SPEND ACCORDING TO HIS MEANS, AND LET HIM WHOSE MEANS OF SUBSISTENCE ARE STRAITENED SPEND OUT OF THAT WHICH ALLAH HAS GIVEN HIM. ALLAH DOES NOT REQUIRE OF ANYONE BEYOND THAT WHICH HE HAS BESTOWED ON HIM. FOR THOSE SUFFERING FROM HARDSHIP, ALLAH WILL SOON BRING ABOUT EASE." (AL-TALAQ VERSES 7&8)

FAILURE TO PROVIDE FOR THE WIFE MAY SOMETIMES BE INVOLUNTARY. ECONOMIC FLUCTUATIONS AND SOCIAL CHANGE MAY CAUSE THE HUSBAND TO BECOME DESTITUTE. RELIGION DEMANDS MAINTENANCE FOR THE WIFE; BUT THIS IS DIFFICULT TO ACHIEVE IF THE HUSBAND IS DESTITUTE. THE SOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM CALLS FOR COMPASSION AND COOPERATION BETWEEN MARITAL PARTNERS. ASSUMING THAT EACH PARTY WOULD SHOW THE DECENCY AND INTEGRITY EXPECTED OF CONSCIENTIOUS MUSLIMS, IT COULD BE ANTICIPATED THAT THE HUSBAND WOULD DO HIS UTMOST TO MINIMIZE HIS WIFE'S DEPRIVATION AND SHE, IN TURN WOULD DO HER UTMOST TO STAND BY HIM, SHARING HIS UPS AND DOWN. IT MAY MOTIVATE THE HUSBAND TO INTENSIFY HIS DRIVE TO IMPROVE HIS CONDITION, SO AS TO KEEP HIS FAMILY AND PRIDE. IT MAY ALSO ENCOURAGE THE HUSBAND TO RISE TO GREATER HEIGHTS OF CHARACTER, STRIVE TO ACQUIRE PERSONAL QUALITIES THAT CAN BE A SOURCE OF CONSOLATION FOR THE WIFE WHO HAS HOPEFULLY PROVEN HER INTEGRITY, PATIENCE, UNDERSTANDING, AND LOYALTY UNDER ADVERSE CONDITIONS.

NOW LET US LOOK MORE CLOSELY AT ALLAH'S DIRECTIVE THAT THE HUSBAND CONSORT WITH HIS WIFE "IN KINDNESS." ALTHOUGH THIS IS A QURANIC COMMANDMENT FROM ALLAH ADDRESSED TO MEN SPECIFICALLY, FUNDAMENTAL QURANIC PRINCIPLES APPLY TO ALL HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS. SO, "CONSORTING WITH KINDNESS" IS NOT A ONE-SIDED AFFAIR. IT IS ALSO VALID FOR THE WIFE TO HUSBAND AS WELL. ALL ARE TO RECIPROCATE EACH OTHERS LOVE AND KINDNESS. DEPENDING ON THE ASSIMILATION OF KNOWLEDGE AND LOVE INTO OUR CHARACTER, OR NOT, WE CAN EITHER BE THE PERSONIFICATION OF ONE WHO "CONSORTS WITH KINDNESS" OR ACTUALLY BE CRUEL AND MEAN-SPIRITED AND NOT REALIZE IT.

AS STATED EARLIER, THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE IS HIGHLY INTIMATE AND VARIED. EACH PERSON, EACH FAMILY, IS AT A DIFFERENT STAGE OF DEVELOPMENT. AT ONE END OF THE CONTINUUM ARE FAMILIES WITH LOVING, HIGHLY FUNCTIONING, GROWTH-FILLED RELATIONSHIPS DESPITE TRIALS, WHICH ARE A CONTINUOUS PART OF LIFE. AT THE OPPOSITE END OF THE CONTINUUM ARE FAMILIES LOCKED IN THE GRIP OF SUCH TURMOIL AND DESPAIR THAT BELIEVERS WOULD CRY - "WHEN WILL COME THE HELP OF ALLAH?" AT SUCH TIMES ALLAH SAYS THAT HIS HELP IS NEAREST. (AL-BAQARAH VERSE 215)

PERHAPS IT IS JUST THEN, WHEN THINGS ARE MOST CONTRADICTORY, DIFFICULT, AND FRUSTRATING THAT LIFE REALLY MAKES SENSE. SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES PROVOKE US, ALMOST FORCES US, TO DEVELOP OUR HIGHER FACULTIES. OLD WAYS OF DOING THINGS NO LONGER WORK. AS ALBERT EINSTEIN OBSERVED; "THE SIGNIFICANT PROBLEMS WE FACE CANNOT BE SOLVED AT THE SAME LEVEL OF THINKING WE WERE AT WHEN WE CREATED THE PROBLEMS." WE NEED A NEW AND DEEPER LEVEL OF THINKING BASED ON QURANIC PRINCIPLES THAT FIRST, ACCURATELY DESCRIBES OUR PROBLEM (CORRECT DIAGNOSIS IS CRITICAL) AND SECOND, PROVIDES ITS REMEDY. THEN PRAYER, TO GIVE US THE WILL TO APPLY THAT REMEDY.

LOVE'S RENEWAL

PERHAPS ONE OF MARRIAGE'S MOST DIFFICULT TESTING TIMES IS WHEN THE "SAME-NESS" OF THE RELATIONSHIP BEGINS TO BLUNT ENTHUSIASM AND CHALLENGE THE MARRIAGE COMMITMENT. THE INTIMACY, RICHNESS, SOFTNESS AND SPONTANEITY HAVE GONE AND ONE SPOUSE, OR BOTH, FEEL NO INSPIRATION TO REVIVE IT.

IN CHAPTER AL-NISA, ALLAH SAYS: "IF A WOMAN FEARS ILL-TREATMENT OR INDIFFERENCE FROM HER HUSBAND, IT SHALL BE NO SIN FOR THEM THAT THEY ARE SUITABLY RECONCILED TO EACH OTHER, AND RECONCILIATION IS BEST." IN OTHER WORDS, IT IS AS IF ALLAH SAYS: DOES THE COUPLE THINK THEY WOULD BE COMMITTING A SIN IF THEY BECAME RECONCILED TO EACH OTHER? IT IS NO SIN TO DO SO. ON THE CONTRARY, IT IS A COMMENDABLE THING. IT IS AN EXHORTATION FROM ALLAH. SO ALLAH ENCOURAGES US THAT LOVE AND CARING CAN BE REVIVED. AND SINCE IT CAN, THAT IS A GOOD REASON TO BEGIN TO PUT THE REVIVAL PROCESS IN MOTION. ONE MIGHT ASK: "BUT HOW DO YOU LOVE WHEN YOU DON'T FEEL LOVE?"

POPULAR OPINION TELLS US TO BE DRIVEN BY FEELINGS, NOT VALUES; TO BE PROGRAMMED TO BELIEVE THAT WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE, THAT WE ARE A PRODUCT OF OUR FEELINGS. BUT THIS IS NOT THE REALITY. IF OUR FEELINGS CONTROL OUR ACTIONS, IT IS BECAUSE WE HAVE ABDICATED OUR RESPONSIBILITY AND EMPOWERED THEM TO DO SO. WE CAN SUBORDINATE FEELINGS TO VALUES AND MAKE LOVE A VERB. AND A VERB IS AN ACTION WORD. LOVE -- THE FEELING -- IS A FRUIT OF LOVE -- THE VERB. LOVE IS SOMETHING WE DO. IT IS THE SACRIFICES WE MAKE,THE GIVING OF SELF, LIKE A MOTHER BRINGS A NEWBORN INTO THE WORLD. IF WE WANT TO STUDY LOVE, STUDY THOSE WHO SACRIFICE FOR OTHERS, EVEN FOR PEOPLE WHO OFFEND, OR DO NOT LOVE IN RETURN. LOOK AT THE LOVE WE HAVE FOR THE CHILDREN WE SACRIFICED FOR.

IN THE QURAN LOVE IS A VERB, AN ACTION WORD. RE-STUDY THE LIFE OF THE PROPHET (SAW) AND HOW HE LOVED -- HIS WIVES, HIS FAMILY, THE BELIEVERS, ALL OF HUMANITY.

SO HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULD PRACTICE LOVING EACH OTHER (THE HIGHEST FORM OF "CONSORTING IN KINDNESS"). FOR INSTANCE, PRAY FOR EACH OTHER. "LORD, MAKE MY SPOUSE THE DELIGHT OF MY EYES AND MAKE US MODELS FOR THE RIGHTEOUS," IS A QURANIC PRAYER ALLAH TAUGHT US THAT CAN HAVE MIRACULOUS EFFECT. AND SERVE EACH OTHER. SACRIFICE FOR EACH OTHER. LISTEN TO EACH OTHER. SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH EACH OTHER. EMPATHIZE. APPRECIATE EACH OTHER. AFFIRM EACH OTHER. BE WILLING TO DO THAT. LOVE IS A VALUE THAT IS ACTUALIZED THROUGH LOVING ACTIONS. SO LOVE, -- THE FEELING -- CAN BE RE-CAPTURED.

TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE WE MUST GENERATE POSITIVE ENERGY AND SIDE-STEP NEGATIVE ENERGY RATHER THAN EMPOWERING IT. THIS IS CALLED, IMPROVING OUR SELF, OR JIHAD. IT IS FUTILE TO TRY AND IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS BEFORE IMPROVING OURSELVES. IT TAKES A TREMENDOUS COMMITMENT AND COURAGE TO CHANGE.

THE QURAN IS REPLETE WITH MORAL BEHAVIORS WE ARE TO INCULCATE INTO OUR CHARACTER. ESPECIALLY FOR YOUNG COUPLES, NEW TO MARRIAGE, HERE ARE A FEW THAT IF PRACTICED WITH DILIGENCE, CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE MARRIED LIFE RICH, JOYFUL AND ONE OF THE MOST SATISFYING RELATIONSHIPS ON EARTH:

l. PRACTICE TOLERANCE AND PATIENCE.

2. BE FORGIVING. DON'T HOLD GRUDGES

3. KEEP OUR PROMISES/COMMITMENTS TO EACH OTHER.

4. SHOW PERSONAL INTEGRITY (THAT IS, NEVER COMPROMISE WITH

TRUTHFULNESS AND HONESTY

5. GUARD OUR SPOUSE'S SECRETS (DON'T BROADCAST HIS/HER FLAWS)

6. APOLOGIZE SINCERELY WHEN WE'RE WRONG

7. CLARIFY OUR MUTUAL EXPECTATIONS, ROLES AND THE GOALS WE HAVE

FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP AND FAMILY

8. TRY TO UNDERSTAND OUR SPOUSE BEFORE SEEKING TO BE UNDERSTOOD

9. BE AFFECTIONATE

l0.GIVE "LITTLE THINGS" - COURTESY, COMPLIMENTS, HUMOR

11.LEARN TO COMMUNICATE CLEARLY. IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE SPEAKER TO MAKE HIMSELF/HERSELF UNDERSTOOD.

12.EXPRESS GRATITUDE OFTEN TO OUR SPOUSE. HE/SHE WORKS HARD

13.GIVE OUR SPOUSE PRE-PLANNED QUALITY TIME WHERE CHILDREN AND FRIENDS DON'T INTRUDE.

14.BE FAITHFUL. MAKE OUR SPOUSE FEEL SECURE IN OUR LOYALTY TO THE MARRIAGE.

15.HANDLE MONEY WISELY, BE NEITHER EXTRAVAGANT NOR MISERLY. AVOID DEALING IN INTEREST AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN.

16.CONTROL OUR TEMPER.

17.PRAY TOGETHER AT LEAST ONCE DAILY.

THE HUSBAND'S RIGHTS; THE WIFE'S OBLIGATIONS

THE BASIS ON WHICH ALL THE WIFE'S OBLIGATIONS REST AND FROM WHICH THEY FLOW IS FROM THE FOLLOWING PRAYER IN THE HOLY QURAN: "OUR LORD, GRANT US OF OUR WIVES AND CHILDREN THE DELIGHT OF OUR EYES, AND MAKE US A MODEL FOR THE RIGHTEOUS." (AL-FURQAN VERSE 75)

THE ESSENTIAL CRITERIA OF DETERMINING THE WIFE'S OBLIGATIONS IS THAT SHE FULFILLS "THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE." WHATEVER SERVES THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE, OR FOLLOWS FROM IT, FALLS WITHIN THE RANGE OF HER DUTIES.

ONE OF THE WIFE'S OBLIGATIONS IS OBEDIENCE TO HER HUSBAND. THIS HAS STIMULATED MORE COMMENTS THAN ANY OTHER SINGLE OBLIGATION. ALLAH SAYS, "SO VIRTUOUS WOMEN ARE THOSE WHO ARE OBEDIENT, AND GUARD THE SECRET OF THEIR HUSBANDS WITH ALLAH'S PROTECTION." (AL-NISA VERSE 35) WHAT HAS TO BE CLARIFIED HERE IS THAT OBEDIENCE IS NOT ABSOLUTE OR UNQUALIFIED. OBEDIENCE TO HER HUSBAND CANNOT VIOLATE THE RIGHTS OF ALLAH. OBEDIENCE APPLIES TO MATTERS THAT FALL WITHIN THE SPHERE OF PERMISSIBLE CATEGORIES OF ACTION AND LIE WITHIN THE RANGE OF HUSBAND'S RIGHTS.

IF WE VIEW THE WIFE'S OBEDIENCE AND THE HUSBAND'S AUTHORITY FROM A SOCIOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE, WE FIND THAT AUTHORITY IS A NECESSARY ELEMENT OF ANY GROUP STRUCTURE. AS STATED EARLIER, THE HUSBAND'S AUTHORITY IS NOT ABSOLUTE. IT IS RESTRAINED BY THE ETHICAL PRINCIPLES OF THE QURAN AND IN NO WAY ALLOWS HIM TO IGNORE HIS WIFE'S POTENTIAL CONTRIBUTION TO THE DECISION-MAKING PROCESS. THE HUSBAND'S PREROGATIVE IS A TYPE OF AUTHORITY, WHICH IS BASED ON EQUITY, GUARDED BY COMPASSION, AND GUIDED BY CONSCIENTIOUSNESS.

AUTHORITY, OR MORE SPECIFICALLY LEADERSHIP, IS A REQUIREMENT OF ANY GROUP ACTIVITY AND IS TO BE INVESTED IN A PERSON WHO IS BEST QUALIFIED FOR IT. WHAT THIS SEEMS TO SUGGEST IS THAT THE FAMILY LEADERSHIP IS NOT CREATED FOR THE HUSBAND; THIS IS NOT AN "OFFICE" FOUNDED FOR THE MAN. RATHER, IT IS ALLOCATED TO HIM AND HE IS APPOINTED TO IT BECAUSE ALLAH DETERMINES HE IS BETTER QUALIFIED FOR THE PLACEMENT. THIS MEANS THAT IN HIS ASSUMPTION OF THE FAMILY LEADERSHIP, THE HUSBAND IS BOUND BY THE RULES OF THE POSITION. IF HE VIOLATES THE RULES OR ABUSES THE POSITION HE CEASES TO QUALIFY FOR IT. HIS AUTHORITY IS NOT UNCONDITIONAL, NOR IS HIS LEADERSHIP UNQUESTIONABLE. THEY ARE NEITHER IMPOSED NOR CLAIMED, BUT ALLOCATED AND SUBJECT TO CHECKS AND BALANCES.

THESE ARE THE KIND OF PRINCIPLES THAT UNDERLIE THE HUSBAND-WIFE RELATIONSHIP IN THE ISLAMIC SCHEME OF SOCIETY.

THE CHILD'S RIGHTS, THE PARENTS OBLIGATIONS

ONE OF THE MOST INALIENABLE RIGHTS OF THE MUSLIM CHILD IS THE RIGHT TO LIFE...IN ALL ITS FORMS...PHYSICAL LIFE, SPIRITUAL AND RELIGIOUS LIFE, EMOTIONAL LIFE, EDUCATIONAL LIFE, SOCIAL LIFE, CULTURAL LIFE. ALLAH SAYS, "...THAT YOU KILL NOT YOUR CHILDREN FOR FEAR OF POVERTY, IT IS WE WHO PROVIDE FOR YOU AND FOR THEM..." (AL-ANAM VERSE 152)

AS MUSLIMS, OUR GOAL IN BRINGING UP OUR CHILDREN SHOULD BE TO TRAIN THEIR PERSONALITIES IN SUCH A WAY THAT THEIR BEST QUALITIES AND POTENTIALITIES WILL BE DEVELOPED AND THAT THEY WILL BE CONSCIOUS OF THEIR RESPONSIBILITY TO ALLAH, SERVING HIM WITH ALL THE TALENTS AND RESOURCES HE HAS GIVEN THEM.

THIS GOAL WILL INSHA ALLAH (IF ALLAH SO WILLS) BE ACHIEVED BY MEANS OF THREE BASIC APPROACHES: (1) PAY ATTENTION TO THE CHILD'S PROPER TRAINING BEFORE IT'S BIRTH. WHEN HUSBAND AND WIFE COME TOGETHER THE PROPHET (SAW) SAID PRAY: "OUR LORD, SAFEGUARD US AGAINST EVIL AND SAFEGUARD THE OFFSPRING THAT YOU MAY BESTOW UPON US AGAINST EVIL. PROPHETS ABRAHAM AND ZACHARIAH'S PRAYERS FOR RIGHTEOUS OFFSPRING (AND OTHERS IN QURAN) ILLUSTRATE THE DUTY PARENTS OWE TO CHILDREN. (2) BY WORKING TO BUILD IN OUR CHILDREN ISLAMIC PERSONALITIES AND ISLAMIC ATTITUDES THROUGH AN ISLAMIC-ORIENTED FAMILY LIFE, AND (3) BY BUILDING INTO THEM A CLEAR AND DYNAMIC UNDERSTANDING THAT ISLAM IS A TOTAL SYSTEM OF LIFE FOR MAN AND HIS SOCIETY PROVIDED FOR HIM BY ALMIGHTY ALLAH, AND THAT HENCE IT IS INFINITELY SUPERIOR TO ANY SYSTEM OR IDEOLOGY WHICH MAN CAN DEVISE. BY ADHERING TO ISLAM HE/SHE WILL BE FOLLOWING HIS NATURE,WHICH WAS DESIGNED BY ALLAH; AND THAT THERE IS NO ALTERING THE CREATION OF ALLAH.

THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO SHAPE A CHILD IN ISLAM'S MOLD IS BY MODELING. HOW SURPRISINGLY IMPORTANT IT IS FOR US AS PARENTS TO REALIZE THAT OUR DAY-TO-DAY MODELING IS FAR AND AWAY OUR HIGHEST FORM OF INFLUENCE. AS PARENTS, WE MAY ATTEMPT TO UNDO OR EVEN COMPENSATE FOR BAD MODELING BY ATTEMPTING TO VERBALLY TEACH CORRECT PRINCIPLES. BUT PRINCIPLES ARE ABSTRACTIONS, AND UNLESS THEY ARE CONCRETELY INTERNALIZED IN OUR MODELING, OUR BEHAVIOR, THEY SIMPLY WILL NOT TAKE. WHAT PEOPLE IDENTIFY WITH FAR MORE THAN WHAT THEY HEAR, IS WHAT THEY SEE AND WHAT THEY FEEL. IF WHAT THEY HEAR IS IN HARMONY WITH WHAT THEY SEE AND FEEL, IT WILL THEN REINFORCE THAT OBSERVATION AND FEELING. IT WILL ALSO GIVE A VERBAL HANDLE ON HOW CORRECT THE CONCEPT IS AND WHY IT WORKS. THE NEXT GENERATION WILL THEN ALSO BE ABLE TO TEACH BY PRECEPT AS WELL AS BY EXAMPLE, FOR THEY WILL BE CONSCIOUSLY COMPETENT TO DO SO.

THIS IS WHY THOSE EARLY YEARS OF LIFE ARE SO CRITICAL, SO SUPREMELY IMPORTANT. THIS IS WHY THE ROLE MODELING OF PARENTS TO CHILDREN IS OUR MOST BASIC, OUR MOST SACRED, OUR MOST SPIRITUAL RESPONSIBILITY, TO OUR CHILDREN.

THE CHILD'S DUTIES; THE PARENTS' RIGHT

ALLAH SUMS UP THE WHOLE MATTER OF PARENT'S RIGHT WHEN HE SAYS, "...AND THAT YOU DO GOOD TO PARENTS..." (AL-ANAM VERSE 152) IT IS A MUSLIM'S DUTY TO ALLAH TO SHOW GOODNESS TO OUR PARENTS, BE THEY MUSLIM OR OTHERWISE. BEHAVIORAL APPLICATIONS OF THIS DIVINE ORDINANCE OF GOODNESS TO THE PARENTS INCLUDE ACTIVE EMPATHY OR "ROLE TAKING," COMPASSIONATE GRATITUDE, PATIENCE, PRAYER FOR THEM EVEN AFTER THEIR DEMISE, HONORING THEIR COMMITMENTS ON THEIR BEHALF WHEN THEY CAN NO LONGER DO SO, SINCERE COUNSEL, AND RESPECT.

PARENTS HAVE A RIGHT TO EXPECT OBEDIENCE FROM THEIR CHILDREN. BUT PARENTS MAY NOT EXPECT SUCH OBEDIENCE IF THEY DEMAND THE WRONG OR ASK FOR THE IMPROPER; IF THEY DO, DISOBEDIENCE BECOMES NOT ONLY JUSTIFIABLE BUT ALSO NECESSARY.

AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE CHILDREN'S DUTY TO ALLAH IS TO PROVIDE MAINTENANCE FOR THEIR PARENTS IN CASE OF NEED. MAINTENANCE INCLUDES ADEQUATE PROVISIONS FOR FOOD, LODGING, CLOTHING, AND GENERAL COMFORT.

FAMILY UNITY

BROTHERS AND SISTERS, ALLAH HAS CHARGED US WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF LEADERSHIP OF THE FAMILY WITHIN OUR RESPECTED SPHERES. PERSONAL LEADERSHIP QUALITIES ARE NOT AUTOMATICALLY GIVEN TO US AT BIRTH. WE MUST WORK FOR THEM. FOR OUR FAMILIES TO BE "TURNED-IN-ONE-DIRECTION" -- UNIFIED -- CLARIFIED AS TO ITS GOALS, LEADERS MUST BE SURE OF WHERE THEY ARE GOING. CREATING THE UNITY NECESSARY TO RUN AN EFFECTIVE FAMILY REQUIRES GREAT PERSONAL STRENGTH AND COURAGE...AND CONSTANT PRAYER. NO AMOUNT OF COMMITMENT AND SKILL IN LABORING TO PROPAGATE ISLAM TO THE MASSES, CAN MAKE UP FOR LACK OF NOBILITY OF PERSONAL CHARACTER IN DEVELOPING OUR "AT-HOME" RELATIONSHIPS. IT IS AT A VERY ESSENTIAL, ONE-ON-ONE LEVEL, THAT WE LIVE THE PRIMARY LAWS OF LOVE AND LIFE.

AND FINALLY; ALL PRAISES ARE DUE TO ALLAH, LORD OF ALL THE WORLDS. MAY ALLAH GRANT YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES THE GOOD OF THIS WORLD AS WELL AS THE WORLD TO COME.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

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Burchinal, Lee G. "The Premarital Dyad and Love Involvement."

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Shorter Encyclopedia of Islam, eds., Gibb, H.A.R., and Kramer, J.H. Leiden: E.J. Brill, 1953.

The Dictionary of The Holy Qur’an, by Abdul Mannan Omar. Noor Foundation – International Inc. 1^st Edition May 24, 2003.

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The Quran, Arabic Text * English Translation by Muhammad Zafrulla Khan. Great Britain: Curzon Press Ltd., 1981.